


Strings

by skargasm



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-12
Updated: 2013-03-12
Packaged: 2017-12-05 02:31:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,037
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/717844
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/skargasm/pseuds/skargasm
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Could he cut the strings to his past, and if he did was there a future?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Strings

**Title:** → Strings  
 **Rating:** → R  
 **Author:** → [](http://skargasm.livejournal.com/profile)[**skargasm**](http://skargasm.livejournal.com/)  
 **Pairing:** → Spike/Xander  
 **Prompt:** → Prompt #347 : Sister @ [](http://tamingthemuse.livejournal.com/profile)[**tamingthemuse**](http://tamingthemuse.livejournal.com/)  
 **Fandom:** → BtVS  
 **Word Count:** → 2045  
 **Genre:** → AU  
 **Beta (s):** → Unbeta'd but proofread  
 **Disclaimer:** → Not mine.  
 **Summary:** → Could he cut the strings to his past, and if he did was there a future?  
 **A/N:** → Happy birthday to [](http://beccers4469.livejournal.com/profile)[](http://beccers4469.livejournal.com/)**beccers4469** \- this one is for you!  


* * *

She was once his everything. He loved her in every way possible, in ways that humans wouldn't or couldn't understand. She was his Sire, his mother, his playmate, his sister as well as his lover. His very first true love if not his first love.

Facing her, he tried to come up with the words that would make a difference to how this played out.

“Dru, love - “

“You're not happy to see me my Spike? The stars told me your heart was trip, trip, tripping away from me, falling for the dark kitten with the laughing eyes.” Even now, after all these years, he wasn't quite used to how eerily correct the stars could be when they talked to her.

“Love, you were happy with that Chaos Demon – you left me remember?” He could see from the confusion that crossed her face that for a moment she didn't understand.

“He was like Daddy but he wasn't Daddy enough. He made me cry but then I made him cry and after that he couldn't talk to me anymore. So here I am, come to get my blue eyed boy back, take him under my wing while he's wounded by the nasty sparky thing”. She stared off into space for a moment, then pinned him with her gaze. “We can go and be parents to Mummy before we go and find Daddy.” She looked so happy with the idea that it was like physical tendrils were reaching out to him, pulling him back towards her, to what he had been, what had been safe. She was swaying from side to side, dancing to music only she could hear.

Shaking his head to clear it of the cloudy thoughts, he smiled at her and tsked loudly. “Naughty, naughty Dru – not meant to use your talents on me.” He edged around her slightly, trying to keep her away from the darkened doorway. All they needed was a little time and all of them would get out the back. Assuming Dru didn't have them completely surrounded, but he didn't think she had. Nothing had been picked up by the cameras and Oz had sniffed around before announcing it safe. It was _hard_ to be around her like this. He thought he had reconciled his feelings for her, had put them aside but obviously that was not the case.

* * *

Xander had warned him only the other night, curled up together before sleep.

“She was your first love – of course you're still going to have feelings for her.”

“S'this your way of telling me you still got the hots for the cheerleader?” Snuggled into his boy's chest, he felt too warm and lazy to move so that he could see Xander's face but he felt the slight stiffening of muscles beneath him.

“Sometimes I think about what could have happened if I hadn't cheated on her with Willow. But then I realise I wouldn't be who I am if that hadn't happened, I wouldn't have learned that we all make mistakes and a soul isn't an automatic 'be good' card. I wouldn't be here with you.” Warm fingers carded through his hair making him want to purr. That felt so good – it always did. He loved the way Xander was almost casual with his affection, always touching him whether it be to hold his hand, bump his shoulder, run his hands through Spike's hair. It was well worth the fit of giggles the Slayer and Red had had when they saw his riotous curls that morning they'd come round without warning.

“I love you pet.”

“I know. I'm just saying, loving me doesn't mean you don't still have feelings for her and that this isn't going to be difficult for you.”

“We don't know she's gonna attack.” He was clutching at straws and he knew it.

“I guess I'm just trying to say that – well, that I'll understand. If - “

“If what?” He shifted until he was looking down into Xander's face, finally reading the indecision and fear on the open face. “What ya thinkin' luv?”

“That choosing me means choosing to keep the chip for now. Means being a white-hat which I know isn't your natural inclination. And I remember what it was like being the hyena – being free of so many constraints and inhibitions. I would understand if you were tempted.”

“You trying to get rid of me?”

“Hell, no. You know that's not the case.” Looking deeply into Xander's eyes he saw that the boy was almost resigned to losing him and it sent a shiver down his spine. It wasn't a lack of want – he knew that for definite – it was that he didn't think he was enough. Xander above all of them knew how much Drusilla had meant to him and in his way he was trying to prepare himself for losing Spike, for not being chosen.

“Does it matter what I say? I can tell you I've made my choice and I'm happy where I am. Okay, yeah, would be right pleased to get rid of the chip and it would be nice not to have to hang about with the Slayer but that's mainly cos of her bloody awful taste in men. But, I'm happy – with you.”

Hazel eyes searching his, the longing to believe clear to see but he couldn't think of the right words to convince him. He would have to show him. Of course, if they ended up having to use their retreat plan it might not be possible to show him – he knew the spell Willow was talking about using and the chances of him being able to get out of the way of what was likely to be an impressive explosion were slim. It was worth it though if it meant that Xander got away safely. If pushed, he would admit he wanted the rest of them safely away too. But it was best to hope that they wouldn't have to use their retreat and he would never have to test Xander's theory about the strings holding him to his past.

* * *

Through pretty much impeccable sources they knew that Drusilla was coming for the artifact of Gerin, that she wanted/needed it for some ritual involving Darla. Anything involving bringing that bitch back was a bad idea so they had holed up to protect it until the time for the ritual had passed. Somehow, Dru had found out where they were and turned up with a mini army of vampires. It had only been Oz's sharp nose that pre-warned them so that they were able to pack up and begin to evacuate. Spike was bringing up the rear and acting as a distraction for Drusilla. And now he realised what Xander had been trying to say, what he had been afraid of.

Dru was offering him everything that six months ago he had desperately wanted. A way to be rid of the chip, a way to return their family to what it had once been – a way to turn back the clock and relive what used to be the best years of his life when they were known far and wide as the Scourge of Europe. And it was tempting – so, so tempting.

A quick glance over his shoulder and he could see that they were all clear – that the time to choose was upon him. Two different directions open to him – one took him back to her, she who had been his everything. The other took him to where he was hobbled, unable to be a full vampire. But if he chose that direction, he knew he would never be lonely. That the boy had made his choice about the future. That sooner or later, the chip would malfunction or simply cease to work and he would be free to bring Xander over. And they could have eternity. An eternity of love and laughter and **knowing** that the loyalty that was as much a part of Xander as his unruly hair and his hazel eyes would mean he would never be alone, would never have to worry about being left for something better or just something _other_.

Once more he was pinned by Drusilla's gaze, her beautiful eyes that were soulless and slightly distance as she looked off into a world only she could see and hear, but that had looked upon him over one hundred years ago and seen a worthy companion and playmate. She had birthed him, remade him, given him a new life. And he wouldn't have to say a word.

“NOW!” The blast from the spell knocked Drusilla backwards and even braced for it, he tottered on his feet, disoriented for several precious seconds. A strong arm came around his waist, a familiar scent filling his nostrils as his arm was slung around broad shoulders and he was dragged backwards. Shaking his head to clear it, Spike turned and looked into the tanned, grinning face of Xander who was half carrying him down the passageway they were using as their retreat. Ahead of him, he could see the Slayer carrying the artifact, Giles with a torch leading the way. A turn of his head and he could see Willow and Oz bringing up the rear, a cascade of rubble now blocking the doorway.

“What - “

“You didn't think we'd leave you behind did you??”

“But – the plan was - “

“The plan was never to leave you behind Spike, unless you wanted to be left. It was to give you a choice – a free and honest choice.” Xander pressed him to the wall and he slid gratefully onto the floor to regain his faculties. This was making no sense to him – he had thought the majority of the Scoobies were willing to sacrifice him if it meant getting the artifact away and he had accepted that. He knew it had hurt Xander but the boy hadn't said anything so Spike had assumed.....

Looking into the smiling hazel eyes, Spike could do nothing but smile as he realised his mistake. It really had been about giving him a choice – all of it. God, would this boy never cease to surprise him?

“When you two have had enough of making goo-goo eyes at each other, would you mind terribly if we got out of here? I fear these trousers will never be the same again and I believe Buffy is rather concerned about the state of her manicure.” Giles' sardonic tones broke into the moment and Spike couldn't even muster up a growl as he realised Giles was checking that he was alright underneath all of the snark. Nodding sharply, he got to his feet and ignoring the ringing in his ears he grabbed Xander and kissed him with all of the feelings overflowing inside. “Oh dear Lord, we're never going to get out of here now.”

He could vaguely hear Giles walking away again, caught the sound of Willow giggling and whispering to Oz how 'sweet' they looked before he was swept away by the passion and desperation in Xander's kiss. Reluctantly he pulled back, straightening his duster and rearranging his jeans to a more comfortable fit.

“Right then – we'll have a proper chat about this later, yeah? About choices already made an' all that.” Xander blushed but nodded, stepping back to give Spike room to go ahead and follow everyone else. They walked for a while in silence, stumbling over uneven ground as they made their way through the underground passageways that _should_ eventually lead back to his crypt and normality. Even if the doorway hadn't been impassable, by the time Drusilla and her army caught up with them it would be too late to enact the ceremony. They had won. In more ways than one. “Pet?”

“Yeah Spike?”

“Thank you – for letting me choose and for being there for me.”

“Always Spike.”

* * *

fin

* * *


End file.
